Hamell on Trial - 7 Seas

Cold bitter day, the street deserted the music store the only shop open, I stand outside my hands jammed into my empty pockets. A bunch of guitars crowd eager in the front but an old battered guitar in the back spoke to me, cracked whisper voice, ""Hey Buddy! You wanna go for a ride?"" I'm skeptical, this guitars almost dust I say, 'What you got in mind old timer?"" and that guitar pushed it way to the front, saintly...sincere...""Go for a ride boy! Ancient faces, chariot races, forbidden places, exotic embraces, pyramid construction, camel riding, time machine gliding, white line fever believer, ride your thumb to Texaco, Mexico, gas card syphon hose No-Doz, Ride the lightning, Ride the Wild Surf, Ride a White Swan, Jenny take a motherfucking ride for God sakes!!

I said 'Whoa, hold on there Chatty Baby! I said, 'How old are you anyway guitar?' And that guitar said, 'I was born in '37, on the road by 11 and I can play as sweet as an axe from heaven, but I need a partner, to start here, like the James boys, Frank and Jesse, like the Untouchables with Elliot Nessie, like Bonnie and Clyde when they get aggressie, like Romeo and Juliet when they start their carressie, like Bartles and James a pause to refreshie, like salt and Pepper like to see 'em undressie, like Sid and Nancie dead and gone God blessie, like the Everly Brothers how their voices they meshie like Jake LaMotta and his brother Joe Peschi......

i said, 'Whoa, hold on there tandem Ted,"" I said, 'How much you cost anyway guitar?"" and that guitar said 'I'm a mere 200 dollars, "" and i said, 'Well I only got a mere 10 dollars"" and that guitar said, 'Well you go through that door over there and you give that 10 dollars to the man behind the counter and you pay the balance off quick, you know, when your ship comes in."" So I gave that man the ten dollars and I waited for my ship to come in. I'd go down to the dock everyday with my little boating sneakers and my sailor's cap, my Thurston Howell the Third blazer, my fishsticks, I borrowed binoculars and scanned the seven seas, no ship....I launched flares, went to nautical school, I got a job as a longshoreman, I learned to walk like Marlon Brando in ""On The Waterfront"", I studied 'Moby Dick', I got a tattoo that read ""Ishmael""...no ship, i sewed sails, drank with pirates, I yo ho hoed and a bottle of rum, I composed sea chanteys, I rented 'Jaws' , I watched reruns of the Loveboat, I collected coral, I lived in a lighthouse,I bought scuba gear, I hired divers to raise the Titanic, I took the confession of the Old Man of the Sea, I bribed Charlie Tuna, I saw three ships come sailing in, on Christmas Day, on Christmas Day, Bingo ships! But not mine!

I anticipated a very cold day of ice fishing but my wife paid off the guitar as a birthday present. Epilogue: Crime and Punishment: Love Story, The Crying Game: Love Story, and all this bullshit about the guitar: ultimately it distills to a love story. Now I gotts write the hooky chorus for the big hit record and bring home the bacon.

It's a love story

Written by:
EDWARD JAMES HAMELL

Publisher:
Lyrics © BMG Rights Management

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